Well, life is funny…

I didn’t write much last year, because I sort of gave up.  I lost my passion for life and didn’t care anymore that I wasn’t ever going to meet a great guy.  I barely survived my first year of teaching, which destroyed what I thought was a relationship that was going somewhere, so I was pretty miserable at the start of my summer last year.  I somehow managed to win a state pageant, so I am a state beauty pageant titleholder!  That was the highlight of my year.  Well, that and one other thing that I will get to later…

Let me tell you what happens when you are a state beauty pageant titleholder and you give up on finding a great guy… CRAZY SHIT!!!!

I’ll explain. It started with not being able to get over my ex. I found myself in another relationship that I used to get over that one.  I’ve never done that before, and I knew better, but after seven months of being terribly depressed, I figured I needed to start dating again.  BAD IDEA.  They guy was a really good guy, just definitely not a match for me.  He told me he loved me after a week of officially being boyfriend/girlfriend, and my feelings plateaued after that.  I was very excited about him at first, but that died faster than any guy I’ve ever dated.  I ended up having to get on unemployment, because I couldn’t go back to teaching for health reasons, so my summer was consumed with catching up on sleep I never got for nine months of teaching and utter laziness.  I was so lost and unhealthy. I didn’t know what to do.

Then, I went with my mom to her 30 year high school reunion all the way across the country, and randomly met a super sweet guy.  We just clicked, and he was the perfect example of the nice nerdy guys I used to go for.  He was SUPER cute!  BUT, he was all the way on the other side of the country and I had a boyfriend that I wasn’t excited about.  Just my luck: meet a great guy that I can’t date because he’s too far away.

So, I break up with that boyfriend after three months and decide to date a guy I never considered since I met him four years ago.  He had been trying for four years, and I had given up, so I figured, why not?  He’s hot, and I don’t care what kind of person he is at this point. BAD IDEA. Not only was I right on about this guy being a total player, he has SEVERE narcissictic personality disorder.  I started to feel very strung along after about a month, so I called it quits and he FREAKED THE FUCK OUT!  He started contacting my friends and family on Facebook to try to make me look like a crazy person and started posting horrible things about me on his own Facebook wall.  Geez…  I knew he was nuts, but I had NO IDEA.

Then, I meet this chef guy at a charity event.  I had zero interest at first, but we exchanged cards and a couple weeks later he starts pursuing me hardcore.  He said a lot of very fabulous things, which I bought even though I knew better, and we started dating a little.  I should have seen red flags all over him when he would call me like 10 times a day, but I didn’t care to notice the flags because I just didn’t fucking care anymore.  Well, he invites himself over one night to cook me this gourmet dinner, which I thought was pretty cool.  He then got me drunk, which I’ve only been like twice in my life, and took advantage of me.  I can’t claim rape, because it wasn’t, and I’m a fair and honest person, but he definitely took advantage of the situation like scumbags do.  Anyway, I never make such stupid decisions, but like I said, I just didn’t care anymore.  So, I decided to stick with it and see how it panned out, since I made a stupid decision already… He asked me to be his date to the biggest charity ball that exists out here.  Thousands and thousands of people go to this thing.  I was there volunteering for a couple of hours and he had some networking to do.  Well, it’s time for us to meet up, and it takes me quite a while to find him.  The group I was with and I end up chasing him around this huge place for about an hour until I was so pissed I couldn’t take it anymore.  He treated me like absolute shit and abandoned me!!!! He also hung out with another girl all night and never even got one photo with me, HIS DATE!  He was so rude and so ungentlemanlike, I was shocked.  Who seriously asks Miss _______ to be his date and then abandons her at an event!!!!  Forget the title, who does that to any girl???

So, here I am wondering what the hell his problem is after giving him a chance when he really had none to begin with.  I gave him the benefit of a doubt when he told me about his business and owning restaurants all over the world.  I didn’t realize that there are people who tell such EXTRAVIGANT LIES because they really have nothing and still live with their parents at 35 years old. Geez… What a crazy bastard.  So much shit came out about him after that evening.  I haven’t spoken to him since other than texting.  I told him he lost me as a romantic partner and friend.  He seriously tried to apologize via text!  And, only after I called him out on it and backed him into a corner! Fecking asshole!  Apparently, this is what he does to women.  He always goes after what he can’t have, or he goes for women with incredibly low self-esteem, uses them, and then screws them over big time.  He doesn’t own any restaurants other than a catering company, which isn’t doing well because he’s such a terrible person. The only review he has for his company is a review he posted himself talking about how wonderful he is. BAHAHAHAHA! #classic

Then… are you ready for this? …

I met the most amazing man on the planet.

Seriously, he’s the one. I can feel it.

I gave up, and then he appeared.  Isn’t that how it always happens to people?  They say when you know, you just know. And that’s how I always knew I was with the wrong person. I never just knew, ya know? haha… I digress.  This man is the sweetest guy I’ve ever met and kind of reminds me of the guy I met all the way across the country last summer.  Very attractive, but not in a man-whore way, but in a very sweet and cute way.  He has ignited a fire in me that other men have slowly been extinguishing over the years, and I feel like I am flying.  My passions have returned.  I’m writing again, dancing again, working on my spirituality again, learning meditation, and just being happy again.

I also landed my dream job.  It’s a pay cut, but I am so much happier and less stressed.  I am finally excited about life again, and I hope you all find your happiness and passion for life this year!

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I should have cancelled date 3…

Yep… I went against that tiny small voice inside of me that told me to run and I went on a third date with him. I don’t know what that little voice was trying to say. Perhaps it was saying, “I know you’re trying to branch out and try something new, but this is not a good idea!” By date four, we were sleeping together and beginning a relationship that I thought was going to last. Boy was I wrong.

I just spent my evening after work dancing like an idiot around my apartment, doing handstands, and spinning in circles like I did when I was five. I had a couple of Mike’s Hard Lemonades, cranked up some music, and celebrated. Why? No fucking clue! I am just happy to say “FUCK THE WORLD!”

He broke up with me AGAIN! Two weeks off and then two weeks on. AND, he did it through text message. TEXT MESSAGE! …because he just couldn’t stand to see me upset. He thought I would be upset. HAHAHA! I wasn’t upset… I was fuckin’ pissed! He already hurt me, so I was still moving past that and didn’t have a chance to feel for him again just yet. I did not and will not shed one more tear over this boy. He’s not the awesome man I thought he was and not worth the tears. I’m over it! After he sent me his breakup text, I immediately went to single on Facebook, and then went to work and had an awesome night. I told him to throw my stuff away and not to call me. I hope I never fucking see him again. He told me he wouldn’t change his mind and that he wouldn’t do this to me again. HAHAHA! Sound familiar? Yeah, I’ve heard that before. So, this tells me that he could change his mind yet again, because he said he wouldn’t and did anyway, and is now saying that this is his final decision… geez… Well, if he does, there ain’t no way in HELL I’m letting him back in. Too fuckin late!

After asking me to be his girlfriend again, things just didn’t feel the same. I had already mourned losing him and then felt very uneasy about everything once we were back on. He was calling the shots, and I hate that. I had no problem with him pursuing his dream of moving to Chicago for Improv Comedy, because I was likely going to be on a traveling dance company. He says he was feeling guilty about being so distant and that he meant everything he has ever said to me. So, he’s hopelessly losing love to this dream that is consuming him… how tragic. Fuck him. I told him that this is the worst mistake that he will probably ever make, and if he disagrees, then he really didn’t know what he had.

It must suck to truly believe that living for yourself is the best that life has to offer you. Believing that there is no existence beyond life after this one is his motivation for taking this leap because he doesn’t want to have regrets. I get that, but a life without love is empty indeed. It is possible to have both dreams and love. What do you do when you have everything you want and no one to share it with? What happens when you fail, and all you have is a lonely apartment waiting for you? How wonderful do you feel when you’re fucking someone just to relieve yourself and they have no respect for you? I’m sure he’ll find someone in Chicago to fuck. How empty that will be… You know, on a side note, I finally started researching toys to incorporate into our sex life. I thought that would have been fun. I’ve never owned one before. My goodness, he will never have anyone as fun as me. Sounds conceited, but he knows it’s true.

What did I learn from this relationship? Let’s see…

– Listen to your gut (I think I’ve learned this one a hundred times now)
– Date someone who is at least spiritual
– Sex really is very important to the health of the relationship
– I am much freakier and much more skilled sexually than I realized
– If he says he doesn’t like his job, THAT’S A RED FLAG!
– Make him wait to have sex with you until you know he has some strong feelings for you. He does not fucking deserve your body, ever! MAKE HIM EARN IT!
– A man really can express how he feels about you without words. Actions are so powerful.
– If he tells you that he is a fucking weirdo, believe him.
– If he breaks up with you, MOVE ON. It doesn’t matter what his reasons are. He’s retarded, his mind is made up, and you don’t want a fucking retard anyway. Oh yeah, you also have plenty of other options.

END RANT

LIFE! TAKE 437,221. “CLAP! …AAAAND ACTION!”