So, I decided to do some online dating for a couple of weeks and had to take a break from blogging, because it was controlling my life! I got so many messages every day, that it became a full-time job just to keep up with. I have met several people and have gone on numerous dates in hopes of finding the right person for me. It has been quite exhausting, and I actually got really sick, because I was neglecting taking care of myself to go on all of these dates. I have also neglected my studies and other responsibilities, but now it is time to get back on track. My online dating profile is gone, and I am now focusing on just a few guys instead of like 50. There is one that has my attention the most, so it may be soon that I am in a solid relationship again. That would be so nice.
It is amazing the combinations I run into. What I mean is there were guys I met that were perfect for me on paper, but I did not have that spark with or wasn’t attracted to, and then there were guys that I had the spark with that were just wrong for me. There was one I was going to toss until he kissed me, which changed the game entirely… then he told me he had kids and tried to get too physical with me. NO!
I have some amazingly bad stories from online dating that I actually plan on writing a book about. It will be quite funny. You guys would not believe the shit I got on that site. Here is a list I had on my profile of things NOT to do when contacting or trying to date me:
When deciding to contact me, please refrain from the following unless you are trying to make me laugh at you and you have no intention of getting a response…
1. Do NOT ask me about sex!!!!! There is a time and place for that and an order to which that is addressed, and it’s not on after a few messages and phone calls either. If you are curious about my sexual preferences and style, read that section in my “Relationship Needs Assessment.” I think they got it spot on for me. If you only go for looks, don’t message me. I want a truly meaningful relationship in all aspects.
2. Do NOT claim to know me after a few messages and a phone call.
3. I am NOT your babe, sweetheart, or princess. Pet names have no place until something further has been established.
4. Do NOT show me your ex-girlfriend’s Hooters bikini pictures on any date we go on. You’re not over her and I will never be a stick skinny bleached blonde with huge fake tits. If “fried and dyed” is your type, sorry, it ain’t me.
5. Do NOT assume that I will commit all of the crimes of your exes. I understand having fears, but I will treat you with respect and expect the same in return.
6. Do NOT demand that I go out on a date with you. I don’t know you or your sense of humor, yet, so I don’t find that very cute at this point.
7. Do NOT complain to me that you don’t like it that I’m meeting other people. We met online and you are not the only fish in the sea. Yes, that is harsh, but I am on here to meet several people, make some friends, and see if one of those friendships turns into something more. If you can’t handle that, get off this site. I promise you will have my full attention every time we hang out. I am not a serial dater, but that’s just the nature of this site. Meeting the right person is a numbers game. If you can’t handle beginning a friendship, we won’t work. Solid relationships begin with solid friendships.
8. Do NOT try to go from zero to sixty with me in two seconds. You will scare me away.
9. Do NOT tell me you love me after three dates. I do not care that your parents got engaged after one week of knowing each other and they have been married for 32 years. That’s not my style. I would like to know someone well before marrying them.
10. Do NOT message me to tell me my pictures are fake. They’re not. There’s no point in having fake pictures, because you’ll figure it out once we meet.
11. NEVER beg me to sleep with you.
12. Sending me a first message that only says “marry me” or has sexual references in it will result in no response.
13. Do NOT demand that I respond to your message just because you feel you are better than every other guy on here and you deserve it. If you want a yay or nay, just kindly ask me and I’ll let you know. Demanding a response from someone who may not have wanted you to message them in the first place is just rude. If they are interested, they will respond. I don’t have time to respond to everyone, but if I’m interested, you will definitely know within 24 hours.
14. If at some point after we meet I feel that we are not a good fit, I will let you know. I expect you to be this honest with me as well. Please be a gentleman by being kind with your response. I am kind when I am turned down, because I just want that person to find happiness. If it’s not with me, then I hope they find it with someone. If you want to know why I am not interested, just ask. Do NOT start acting like you were born yesterday with screaming and rude commentary. You will just further prove to me that we are not a match.
15. Do NOT get mad at me if I don’t respond to a text message. I could be in ballet class, at work, running errands, working out, cooking, eating, sleeping, or meeting someone off of this site. If you send me a rude message about sucking at texting, I will not talk to you anymore. Why? Because you just proved to me that you have no patience, so in my mind, this translates into you having no patience about me not wanting to sleep with you after two weeks of dating you. And well, I’m not interested in someone who has the patience of a two-year-old. I am a VERY patient person, and you should be, too. Real men have patience and self-control! I will text you back when I have the chance. JUST EFFING HAVE SOME PATIENCE!!!!!
16. Do NOT convince me that you move too slow for some women and then tell me your penis is 10.5 inches long! I’m not scared of your dick! I don’t care that other girls didn’t like it (if that’s really true). We will cross that bridge if/when we get there!
17. Do NOT fish for compliments by telling me how unattractive you are. If I thought you were unattractive, I wouldn’t talk to you. That shows me you are not confident, which is a turn-off, or that your pictures aren’t the true you, which makes you a liar already. Go away. I don’t date liars.
This list was mainly there to make people laugh, which it did. All of those things were inspired by true events that did happen to me!