Singles awareness day

I hope you all had a wonderful Singles Awareness Day!  Mine pretty much sucked.  That one guy I had a little bit of hope for told me that he met someone else he’s crazy about.  So that’s it… Single for me for a long time…

That guy and my sister didn’t work out either.  He left a day early.  I was sad for her, but relieved that I could sleep again.  I knew he wasn’t her type.

It snowed here the other night.  And what did I do?  I stood outside in it and cried.  We never get snow, so when we do, it’s usually a very exciting thing.  I tried to dance in it to cheer myself up, but I found myself unable to move as a sadness fell over me.  My heart was crying out to him… the man I’m supposed to be with… my ultimate soulmate.  I let myself call out to him and could feel his heart breaking.  I hoped that by speaking into the wind that his heart might sense mine calling to him.  I tried to console him and tell him that I am still waiting for him.  I told him to not give up and to please come find me, because I’m too broken to keep searching.

I don’t know who he is or what he looks like, but a very small part of me still believes he’s out there somewhere and that he will find me. I just hope he does before I really don’t want to be with anyone anymore.  There are a few men in my life that are pursuing me, but I just don’t feel it with them.  I have developed some feelings for my best friend, but I just don’t think he’s the right one for me.  I know it hurts him that I think this way, but he knows I do.  Maybe things will change, but I don’t see us together.  It sure would be an interesting story if we ended up together.  He’s just too young for me.

I’m so thankful to have yoga, ballet, and my family right now.  I would not survive this season of my life without them.  And, thank you all out there for reading my thoughts.  Sending them out there really is comforting for some reason, even if no one comments.

FML

So, I pretty much hate my life. My best friend told me he loves me tonight and then admitted that he didn’t know why he said it. We were fooling around and he blurted it out. I’m so sick of being hurt by those words. He and I decided to stop sleeping together after that one time we did, because we are too afraid of birth control methods failing. I brought him along with me to my singles mixer thing, which ended up being stupid and I met no one. He decided to kiss me before going in, and after we left, he couldn’t keep his hands off of me. So we met up with my sister and some friends at another place and they left shortly after we got there, so I didn’t get to meet anyone there either. He and I ended up making out and going back to his place. I spent 4 hours getting ready for my evening, and met no one new. I NEVER spend that much time getting ready.

So, he has feelings for me again, and I don’t want to have feelings for him. I did feel something tonight, because he was being extra sweet. He’s usually just very sarcastic. He’s an awesome guy, but I don’t feel that we have what I want to have with someone. I’m sure I won’t be sleeping tonight, again.

A few days ago, I decided to message a guy I dated for two years about four years ago just to see how he was doing. He was such a nice guy but not right for me. I think about him sometimes and just thought I’d see how he was since we haven’t talked in four years. Well, he’s obviously still not over things, because he told me that he has peace about the way things ended and he’s not interested in re-aquiainting. That was kinda harsh. So, even a guy who was obsessed with me doesn’t want to talk to me. We started out as really good friends and I would never get back with him, but it kinda sucks to feel so unwanted, even as a friend.

V-day is in three days, and I’m going to be alone. That sucks.