FML

So, I pretty much hate my life. My best friend told me he loves me tonight and then admitted that he didn’t know why he said it. We were fooling around and he blurted it out. I’m so sick of being hurt by those words. He and I decided to stop sleeping together after that one time we did, because we are too afraid of birth control methods failing. I brought him along with me to my singles mixer thing, which ended up being stupid and I met no one. He decided to kiss me before going in, and after we left, he couldn’t keep his hands off of me. So we met up with my sister and some friends at another place and they left shortly after we got there, so I didn’t get to meet anyone there either. He and I ended up making out and going back to his place. I spent 4 hours getting ready for my evening, and met no one new. I NEVER spend that much time getting ready.

So, he has feelings for me again, and I don’t want to have feelings for him. I did feel something tonight, because he was being extra sweet. He’s usually just very sarcastic. He’s an awesome guy, but I don’t feel that we have what I want to have with someone. I’m sure I won’t be sleeping tonight, again.

A few days ago, I decided to message a guy I dated for two years about four years ago just to see how he was doing. He was such a nice guy but not right for me. I think about him sometimes and just thought I’d see how he was since we haven’t talked in four years. Well, he’s obviously still not over things, because he told me that he has peace about the way things ended and he’s not interested in re-aquiainting. That was kinda harsh. So, even a guy who was obsessed with me doesn’t want to talk to me. We started out as really good friends and I would never get back with him, but it kinda sucks to feel so unwanted, even as a friend.

V-day is in three days, and I’m going to be alone. That sucks.