Le Sigh

Alright, so it’s been about 4 months since we met and I’m having serious doubts. I was so excited about him at first because this super hot guy was so excited about me! He said and did everything right until…

He got me. Why is it that guys give up when they think they have won the game? I’ve also obviously learned so much more about him that I didn’t know before and I’m just so unsure about him now. I am at his place all the time and find myself missing my alone time with my dog at my apartment. That’s not good! He talks about money a lot and he loves to gamble. I absolutely hate gambling. He always talks about wanting to save money for his house projects and not wanting to spend money, but he will go chance losing $1000 rather than take me out. We go to movies sometimes or bowling with his friends. I don’t feel that I can (or should have to) ask him to take me out because he is always talking about how he doesn’t want to spend money! He tells me he loves me but I feel like I’ve become so boring. He thanks me when I help him around the house but I wonder if I’m doing too much and he’s starting to just expect it. I really need to talk to him about how I am feeling.

I went out of town for a week and barely heard a word from him. Had I not sent him a few texts, I don’t think I would have heard anything. There were actually two days where I decided not to text him to see what he would do, and I didn’t hear from him at all! He doesn’t seem to be as good at conversation as he used to be but I wonder if my hearing is a reason. I wonder if my hearing is why our humor doesn’t seem compatible. And, he’s not very affectionate! He never passionately kisses me just because. He tells me he loves me but I don’t feel it. I don’t laugh as much as I thought I would and we don’t really talk about anything deep. We do work around his house, cook, and watch TV. We don’t seem to just naturally have fun together.

I am a state beauty pageant title holder so I have a lot of events I attend regularly. He is usually working and cannot attend, but he doesn’t seem to want to fight traffic when he can go. there was one time when it really didn’t make sense for him to go, but I dunno. My life just seems so unimportant right now and I’m sure a lot of this is just me. I’m going through a lot of changes right now since my hearing got worse.

I want to be with someone who is always so excited to see me. Someone who thinks I’m so adorable with my hair in rollers and in my glasses with no makeup. Someone who not only appreciates me but cherishes me, Someone who will look into my eyes on occasion and tell me how much I mean to them and kiss me like they mean it. Someone who won’t ever let me stop dancing.

Maybe I’m just too picky and I’ll never be happy.

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