Single once again… so what’s new?

I’m ready to give up on men for good or just marry someone I kinda like. I broke things off with the recent guy because it was the right thing to do. He is an ass, and I’m better off… right?  I won’t ever really marry someone just because.  I’m not that dumb, but sometimes it seems there are no more decent men left who don’t already have kids. 

He was a total jerk. He was impatient with my hearing loss (like I can help it), and claimed I didn’t give him enough time to adjust to it.  Puh-lease.  You don’t have to grunt and throw your hands in the air and say “I’m looking right at you” when I don’t hear you. And, he claimed I never made him feel like he was a part of my life. I f*cking lived with him!  My whole life was him and work! That’s it!!!  Apparently, I didn’t invite him to everything or my plans would change last minute, and he would be excluded (not on purpose).  You know, there are just some things I assume you do as a couple, especially when you live together.  I don’t think I should have to formally invite him to everything but maybe I’m wrong.  If we had not lived together, then yeah. You need to know more of what I expect… I dunno.

I was not perfect, but I seriously took the time to look at myself and “fix” the things he didn’t like.  He was shocked when I said I was moving out because he said he was so happy.  Well, that was news to me because I thought I was incredibly annoying to him!  He would “call me out” for “doing dumb shit all the time” like it was his job to make me feel like an idiot. I started a whole new career and my job is one of the most demanding jobs you can have. It takes a few years to not feel like you’re drowning every day, and he could not understand that! He felt like he “was not a priority.”  You know what? Paying bills so you can live is a priority!!!!! I’m sorry you’re so fucking immature and insecure that you need to feel included by someone else all the time.  I tried so hard to “fix” that and almost lost my job over it, and he doesn’t see it. 

Now, he was supportive and would help me do small tasks foe work and run to the store if I needed something.  He was always there for me physically but cut me down at the same time.  It just made me feel crazy.

The other thing that made me CRAZY was that unwanted male attention was always my fault somehow.  I made this guy my world.  I was NOT and am actually still not interested in anyone else.  There are guys who like to message me online or text me. I can’t control that. All I can do is just not engage in the conversation or just be polite with them and tell them I’m not interested. None of that seems to be good enough.  One guy in particular never goes away no matter what I say or don’t say, and somehow I am leading him on. WTF?!?!

Another time, a 19 year old I worked with messaged me on Facebook asking for a photo in my scrubs because his friends didn’t believe he worked with me. I was a beauty queen title holder of the city we worked in. I though the guy was gay and he is 10 years younger than me so I thought nothing of it.  I said I would snap a photo sometime if I had a chance.  The recent boyfriend happened to see the conversation and FREAKED OUT.  I can understand his initial concerns since he has been cheated on a lot, but he jumped to the worst conclusion and would not listen to the fact that the guy was gay.  Instead,  he went and checked out the dude’s facebook to prove to me that he wasn’t gay and accuse me of flirting with him. WTF?!?!?!?!?! He’s a f*cking kid!  I never cared to check out his facebook. I just assumed he was gay because of how he acted at work. Why the hell would I flirt with a gay dude?!  I thought I was just being nice to a kid I worked with. I happen to feel really sorry for gay guys because of the shit my best friend has gone through in his life for being gay. I’m sure I would have eventually figured it out but whatever. I was NOT flirting with this kid. He’s not even attractive. Apparently I’m “too nice.”  The ex is offended by how nice I am to people, because guys will think I’m flirting with them.  My flirting is pretty damn obvious and being nice is not flirting. It’s just being a nice human being. I’m a nice person and I like to be nice to people. F*cking sue me.

I wish I didn’t love him so much. Sounds kind of odd for me to say that after typing all of this, but I do.

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