I think I’m doing the right thing but I’m not sure. I am moving out in a week and a half and I’m so sick to my stomach about it. I love him so much and am so torn. I know this is not all my fault, but the situation would be easier if it was, because then I could control it. I could make it better. It’s not all me, though. He has some major insecurities that he lets get in the way. He knows what they are but he doesn’t understand how they affect him and control his life. He seems to look to others and other forces to make the insecurities go away or affect him less, but no one can do that for him. I cannot do that for him. This beauty queen, ballet dancer, lingerie model cannot and will never do that for him. He doesn’t seem to understand that he has to find happiness and peace for himself before he can be happy with anyone. And, there’s a difference between being content alone and being happy with yourself.
We have been talking so much lately and both came to the conclusion that it’s probably best if I move out and we have some distance for a while. It was a very hard and very emotional thing for us to talk about but we did it. He tells me that he feels like he is losing everything. He doesn’t really have family… I’ve never seen a man so distraught, especially an ex-military hardass like him. He’s not eating. He’s incredibly depressed. His friends are worried about him and saying they’ve never seen him so happy with any other woman. It hurts me that he is in so much pain, but I have to do the right thing for us. I so badly do not want to move away from him, but I cannot continue to be hurt.