Not fair

No matter what I do, relationships never work out for me. This one is probably destined to fail just like the others. It has been so up and down and I finally see that his issues with trust are ultimately going to end us. Never again will I try online dating. I plan on being single forever because I’ve just lost hope in men. Now that I’m 30, I’m sure there are no good men left.

I love him so much and he has everything I’ve always wanted in a man. However, there’s that trust issue that will probably end us. I don’t know when, but I don’t have the balls to end it right now. I guess I’m hoping he will come around or that he will talk to someone who can help…

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4 thoughts on “Not fair

  1. What kind of trust issues? Issues with trusting you because of something someone else did in the past? Not being open enough, or acting like he’s hiding something? You need not end it now, but if it’s you’re going to have a future together and something like that is important to you, you don’t have to be afraid of talking to him about it. It will probably come to that eventually anyway.

    Don’t give in to doom and gloom. If it’s not this one then that person is out there. It just… isn’t always easy. Been there, trust me.

    • He claims to have been cheated on in every other serious relationship he has been it. I can understand where he may have some trust issues, but he is so terribly suspicious of everything I do. I can’t live that way. I don’t want my future kids to ever feel that way from their father. He and I have had several discussions about it, and he said that’s just the way he is and I have to accept him that way

      • I can sympathize with having issues from previous relationships, but I feel it’s not really fair to you for him to put what others have done on you. If he’s doing that he may not have yet processed those issues for himself.

        It’s unlikely to change for him while he has someone (i.e. you) around. If being trusted is vital to your love language, which I assume it is, then thinking it will fix itself will just enable that behavior from him, and that, as he said, is just the way he is. You’ve probably thought what it might look like with him 10, 20 years down the line. Are you okay with that picture?

        If not, the only fair thing to do might be to start anew, and I realize how hard that sounds and is. You can’t “hold him up” and say you’ll leave if he doesn’t change if he is unwilling to start to trust if you’ve already discussed it and he understands how important it is. You can’t just hope he’ll change either, because that aspect of him is a vital part of who he is in his relationship with you.

        If he’s everything you wanted in a man, does that include always being suspicious of you? Or is that just a compromise you are making because he is *almost* everything you wanted?

        I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m playing Devil’s Advocate here, I just want to make sure you are asking the right questions, because this might be your lifetime we’re talking about! I’m sure he’s an otherwise great guy, but you wouldn’t even be considering this if having that trust wasn’t extremely important to you.

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