This is the one, or there is no one…

Part of me didn’t expect this to happen so soon or at all, but I think I may have found one of the few wonderful men left in this world.  I find myself struggling with a different dilemma now… Why me?  What did I do to deserve someone so great?  Is he really as in to me as he says, or am I just part of the Truman Show?  I can see it in his eyes and how he acts towards me that he is falling for me and deeply cares for me.  He doesn’t have to say anything, I can just see it.  But then again, I don’t believe it.  I’ve always thought I deserved someone amazing, but it seems that the years of let downs and epic fail after epic fail have left me in a state of disbelief.  It’s almost as if I don’t really believe that great people exist anymore.  If they seem great, there’s a catch… They want something… There’s something fake about it… A hidden motive… It can’t be real and genuine, because all of the men before were fakes.

I am always wondering if he is acting.  When I make him laugh, is he really laughing because he thought what I said was funny?  I know he’s not acting, and I know he is genuine, but part of me still doesn’t believe it.  Maybe the problem for me is just that not enough time has passed.  I used to be able to go with it so blindly, but maybe I see that he is so wonderful that he could hurt me so badly.  He could shatter me into oblivion with no hope for my future of ever recovering.  I was almost there with the last one, so I know this would be the end of me.  Maybe that’s why I am having these feelings.  Maybe my heart is just being cautious for once, because it knows this is it.  This is the one, or there is no one.

am falling for him, but I am also so scared.  He is just too good to be true and I have been hurt too many times.  One thing about me that I find interesting, though, is my inability to let go of all hope.  I have yet to show myself that I can truly lose my hope and never find it again.  So, there is that glimmer of hope that he really is perfect for me… Not perfect, but perfect for me.  I am making sure this time that I fall for a real person and not who I think that person is.  It takes time to get to know someone, and I am taking my time this time.

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