He finally talked to me. It was a much better conversation than I thought it would be. He told me Saturday that he would call me Monday (today). Well, I had not heard from him, and it was about noon, so I knew he was awake and probably not going to call. I decided to drive over to his house to get him to talk to me. I got there about 1pm, and he still had not called me. He usually starts getting ready for work around 2… Anyway, I saw his car in the driveway, so I knew he was there. I had to knock three times before anyone answered. He looked sad and tears welled up in my eyes as he lead me to the living room to sit and talk.
He explained to me how his family was going through all kinds of MAJOR issues. And, yes, they are some really big issues. I knew most of it, but I didn’t know everything. I felt a little bad that I had to add to everything, but we HAD TO talk! It was time for me to take care of myself after all the shit I’ve been through lately, and I knew the talk would help him, too. I explained to him what I’ve been going through, vaguely, and I felt he understood his mistakes in handling this with me. He was incredibly apologetic and he owned everything, so it was easy for me to forgive him. He explained to me that I was perfect for him and he hated himself for not feeling it with me. He couldn’t explain why, but he said it just didn’t feel right with me. He said he cares about me a ton, and I made him happy, but something just didn’t feel right. He didn’t want to wast my time and said “you and I both know that there are a million guys lined up to date you who are better than me.” I really wish he understood how highly I though of him. I tried to explain that to him.
“You know you love someone when you cannot hate them for breaking your heart.”
I can’t hate him even though my heart is broken. I want him to be happy, and if I’m not the right one for him, then I don’t want to be with him. I thanked him for finally being honest with me and told him that I wanted him to be happy. I also said I would always care for him and gave him the option of calling me if he ever needed to talk. I really think he will regret letting me go someday. I hope he never does, but I think he will. I really do want him to find happiness, and if it took me going through all this hell for him to find it, then it was worth it. If he learned from all of this and never repeats those mistakes with someone else, then it was worth it. His experience with being honest with a girl is that she yells at him and wishes for him to die. I told him that that response means she never really cared about you. He has never had someone tell him that they would always still care about him even after he hurt them. True love sees past the hurt and wants the love to keep giving in the midst of the hurt.
We are on good terms. Thank God. I’m still sad, but I am incredibly relieved. I now know what it is like to love someone and be rejected. I’ve never felt that before. It’s a very interesting feeling. I’m not taking it personally, because I know I have a lot to offer someone. I know he meant it when he said I was perfect for him. This is his issue, not mine. I just wonder if we would be here had we taken things slower. I guess I’ll never know. But, then again, I know what it’s like to take things too slow with someone that is good for you, too. That also does not work.
It’s all about timing.