I think it’s over

So, I sent him a text last night.  Two hours later I heard back from him.  I wanted to talk things out last night, but he insisted on waiting until Friday.  Tomorrow would be our anniversary, but I don’t know if that has anything to do with his reasoning.  He is coming over an hour before he has to leave for work, so he obviously thinks that this won’t be a very long conversation.  I think it’s over, and I don’t really even care at this point.  I have been hurt so deeply that I  would not be able to trust him for a very long time.  He has destroyed ALL trust with me.  I think I’m okay because I snapped Tuesday night.  I just f*cking snapped.  There are very few things he could say to get me to consider continuing with him, and I don’t think he is mature enough to come to these realizations I need for him to come to.  He has no idea what love is about, and he apparently has NO CLUE what he has put me through.  I have been mourning the loss of true love.  I loved him so deeply, and I feel as though he never loved me.  No matter what he says, his actions show that he never did.

He tried to “make light” of the situation by joking via text.  I was not amused and actually offended.  I told him it wasn’t funny.  I wish I had some clue of what he is going to say.  I am very nervous about it, but I’m not too terribly worried about the outcome.  I really thought he was the one, but I refuse to be treated like this for the rest of my life.  I refuse to be with someone who treats love like the wind, always changing and conditional.  I want unconditional love, not love when you feel like it.  I am so close to hating him right now.  I really think it’s over, because if he was so excited about his revelations this past week and had decided to be with me, why would he want me to wait to hear the good news?  He told me to wait until Friday and to trust him.  He said he needed until Friday to “get something together.”  …whatever the hell that means…

It took me almost all day today to get him to tell me what time he wanted to meet tomorrow and even longer to tell me where.  He finally asked me where I wanted to meet, so I said at my house.  He has inconvenienced me enough. He can come over here.  I don’t know if I will yell or cry.  I have no idea what is going to happen, which makes me quite anxious.  I do still love him, so I’m sure it will be hard for me, but I have to take care of me and not think of his emotions.  He obviously hasn’t considered mine at all.  He could have at least sent me a short email just to reassure me that he was really thinking and processing everything and that I did not need to worry.  Something, anything would have been nice, but instead, I got nothing.  I am not the type that freaks out over everything.  I’m actually a very calm person.  However, I have been a mess this past week… an absolute wreck.

I’m sure I will blog tomorrow with the outcome of everything.  Whoever reads this, please say a prayer for me.  I need to remain confident and show strength.

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