For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  We know this to be true from Newton’s third law of motion, but what about the reactions we can’t calculate?  I believe that everything we do has an affect on something or someone else, good or bad.  It is sometimes impossible to know what these affects or reactions are, but I think about this all of the time.  How many times does a simple act like smiling at a stranger cause a chain reaction or an unexpected opposite reaction?

If you have been following my postings, you know that I am eagerly waiting for my boyfriend to let me know the verdict of our relationship.  He has acted on an immature impulse and decided that he no longer has feelings for me.  Instead of trying to work through his confusion, he has regressed to a depressive state and questioned whether or not we should continue.  He assured me that he still loves me, and I gave him three weeks to do his soul searching before I decide it’s time for me to let my heart heal and move on.  That was Thursday.  It has been three days.

Wow, I just realized it has only been three days.  It feels like an eternity.

Anyway, you never know when something so simple and innocent will affect someone else so harshly.  Today, I was sitting in the sauna with my sister upstairs, and there was a loud knock on the door which interrupted our conversation.  My heart jumped and I panicked hoping that it was HIM.  When I saw that it was not him, but my next door neighbor, I began to cry and had some trouble breathing.  My neighbor would have never known that simply knocking on my door would trigger my pain and cause me such anxiety.  And, as I tried to calm myself down, I silently cursed him for doing this to me and thought of this phenomena of how every action causes something else to happen and sometimes the reactions do not make any sense unless you know the details behind it.

So, could a baby crying set of a chain of events that cause a person to die a few days later a few cities away?  Could a two-dollar gift to a homeless man cause a wedding on the other side of the country?  Could a flap of a butterfly’s wings cause a hurricane on the other side of the world?  I don’t write this story to make someone feel that they have to walk on eggshells.  The point is not to be in a constant state of worry.  The point is just to be aware of the invisible force that drives our world.  You just never know how your positive or negative actions can cause positive or negative reactions.  I don’t know if everything happens for a reason or if I believe in Karma.  It’s nice to think that I will be rewarded for an act of kindness sometimes.

We have no idea how we affect each other and the world around us.  There are so many factors that go into each action, decision, thought, expression…  Some chemical, genetic, environmental factors…  Have you ever done something and thought, why did I do that or say that?  How do we know that there wasn’t some outside force that triggered it which was triggered by something else and set off a whole chain of events that was interrupted and rerouted by another chain of events coming from another direction?

Just something to think about.

How do I know that HIS actions aren’t just a collossal build-up of all of this chaos in the world?  Or is this simply a case where I need him to take responsibility for what he is doing to me?  I’m trying so hard to be patient and understanding, but I’ve been there before, and I did not handle it this way.


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